Sunday, August 7, 2011

Friend Zone

This weekend I spent a night with my bestfriend. I drove out to her house on Saturday evening and we rode bikes with some of her friends and then watched a movie until we fell asleep. I spent today going to church with her family and just spending time with some of her family. Seems pretty boring, no? And on the surface it was boring, but it also managed to be both the best weekend all summer and an emotional rollercoaster.

To understand this you need to understand her, her dad's wrapped around her evil stepmoms finger and won't stand up for her, and she was reletively recently dumped by her worthless boyfriend. Enter me.

Now I have been friend zoned pretty badly with her in the past year. And even over the summer that has changed very little. But the past week or two a dialog has opened between us unlike we have had before. Its been much more open. Friday night she told me that she didn't have any feelings, good or bad, for anyone except me. We both took this as she must have feelings for me. Well after this weekend I think that might be an incorrect assumption, though I'm not sure yet.

She told me this afternoon that she isn't sure she feels anything for anyone. This crushed me. But she never told me whether I'm anyone or someone. So I hold onto hope (after all what else is there??). But before she can be with me or anyone else, she needs to work things out with her dad and stepmom and I can't help her, which kills me. Until she can mend that gaping hole in her life, I will always be a foot note in her book of living.

This is a good place to mention that I hate friend zone. It sucks for everyone. Not only can I not have you, but I need to watch all these other douchebag guys get to be with you. And I am there with you through it all. And what you don't know is when I'm done being there for you and go to bed at night, I cry. I cry for everything I will never know. I cry because you deserve so much better and yet can't see that its right in front of you. I cry because I can't be with anyone else, because I love you. Friend zone sucks.

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