So this weekend was... interesting. I went home to find that I really dont like home as much as when Emily was there. I sat around and really didnt do much of anything. I had to come back up to school on Sunday though, because I needed to work the overnight. Thats about when life handed me my lemons.
I got back to campus and parked my minivan, took my bag upstairs and came back down to grab a box out of my van and who do I see walking down the hill, Yep, thats right. She was walking down with her new boyfriend. It was starting to rain now, and as I had been back for less than minutes I was very much focused on getting things unpacked. She said hey and I sorta half waved and grunted in acknowledgment and went about what I was doing. It started raining more and I went for a walk around campus with a friend after that. Its a great way to relieve stress and just talk about whatever. So I got back to my room soaked at about 11. I showered and got stuff together to go downstairs to settle in for the long night ahead.
I got downstairs to start my oh so fun 8 hour shift. I did some work on my resume and talked to some friends online and only managed to pass 2 hours. Thats about when it all really went downhill. See she happens to work overnights in one of the other buildings, and I knew she wanted to talk to me. We started a chat on Skype about 230 (seems to be a theme that the crappy conversations happen around 2am for me).
She accused me of being hostile. Because I did not want to meet the guy that was able to be everything to her that I couldn't I am hostile. Every time I answered a question it was the wrong answer. It always came back to me being hostile. She informed me that our conversation was over and that she couldn't be friends with someone who is so disrespectful and hostile. I guess I was sorta relieved.
This whole thing has torn my life apart over the past year. She has been the root source of more problems than solutions. Many of them were not her fault at all, but she was the source. Now that this drama is over, I feel like I can finally move forward. But its awkward too. We have classes together, are both in the same club, and overall are required to spend time together throughout the week. It makes for a few awkward moments here and there, though overall no more than anyone else I suppose.
This whole experience has opened my eyes again to something that I have always felt, Friends are more valuable than anyone else in your entire life for the simple reason of they dont have to be there. Friends make a choice to spend time with you and listen to your problems. They generally like you for who you are (if they are real friends). But this has reminded me of two things, people change, and people are often not who you think they are. Both were true here.
She was never who I wanted her to be, thats not her fault. She has also changed a lot over the past year, again, not all her fault. But together the changes have been for the worse from my point of view. I have a newfound appreciation of my friends, I treat them well, and in return I ask for little, simply someone to spend time with a occasionally listen when I have questions or problems in my life. But when my friends can no longer do that, there is no reason to hang on to them, I wont push them away, but if they want to leave they are more than free to go.
I hold no malice towards her, I wish her the best of luck in her life from here on out. However I am no longer going to go out of my way to do anything for her. She is a big girl, perhaps even an adult, and she has friends that are not hostile to show her where the print lab is, or to tell her which computers work. I am moving on in my life, I am leaving all of this drama behind me. I finally feel free to have other friends, to find new best friends, and to work on possibly letting go of Em.
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